Just Diagnosed with ADHD? What to Do Next

You have just been told you have ADHD

It may have been through a private provider, an NHS Right to Choose provider, such as Psychiatry UK, or an NHS mental health service. Getting to that point alone will most likely have been draining, confusing and exhausting.

You may have been told medication could help. You may have been told about titration. You may have been given a lot of information.

But perhaps not much that actually helps you answer the questions in your head.

So now what?

What does it mean for me?

Where can I get support and information?

What do I actually need to do now?

In this article, I will try to help fill that gap, from my own experience and from that of others I have spoken to. Everybody is different, so I cannot promise to solve all your problems but I hope that this helps in some way.

What does it feel like to be told you have ADHD?

Receiving a diagnosis of something is often scary, daunting and unexpected. For me, it wasn’t like that. I don’t think many adults actively seeking an ADHD assessment are completely surprised by the diagnosis. They seek it for answers, clarity, validation, and to find solutions. In many cases, they already suspect it, probably based on months or years of hyper-focused research.

I was diagnosed when I was 50, meaning I have lived with ADHD all my life, most of the time not even suspecting I was battling with ADHD. The feeling when I was told was one of relief. Relief that I was right, and that there was an explanation for who I was. Initially, it was overwhelming, and I went through quite an emotional 24 hours as my brain processed the new information.

There were some other emotions in that early mix, and some may sound strange.

The sense of validation.

The feeling that I had wasted my life, and asking what I would have done differently had I known in childhood.

All those things that I had done, those little quirks and habits, the ones I never told anyone about. This was ADHD. It explained so much.

Then the ones that I wouldn’t have expected, ones that actually gave me comfort and what I can only describe as a “warm” feeling inside.

The feeling that I wasn’t alone. This one was a big one for me. All of those quirks, habits and obsessions that I have had since childhood, that I could never tell anyone about because I was ashamed and felt I would be ridiculed. The realisation that I wasn’t weird or broken was one of the biggest comforts that I got from my diagnosis. These things are all real, they are part of me and make me unique, and the knowledge that other people had their own versions of these gremlins gave me comfort. There is a reason I am like this and I am not alone.

Linked to that, there was also a sense of what I can only call pride and belonging. I discovered more about who I really was, and that meant that I was part of a community. I wasn’t alone. I had found my tribe, I was no longer a nomad.

In the early stages, there was no “that’s great, now I need to do something.” It was very reflective and inward-looking. My brain was processing the information, and that took a long time.

Re-evaluation

I realised that I then went through a process of re-evaluation. A process where I systematically revisited my life, looking at things I had said and done and reliving events, but this time through an ADHD lens. This re-evaluation was really about acceptance. It wasn’t about regret or resentment. Realising why things happened the way they did and how ADHD impacted the story of my life allowed me to make a whole lot of sense of my life and my choices.

There was definitely a crossroads here. I think that could have led to acceptance or resentment. The latter would be soul-destroying, so I am glad I let myself run with it and accept who I am. I am certain that others may go the other way and end up with a feeling of ‘if only’ and ‘I have wasted my life’. This is a completely understandable conclusion and would result in a much different forward-looking journey.

Remember, whichever way re-evaluation works out for you, it’s your story, and you are allowed to feel how you do. Nobody can tell you what is right or wrong, and the choices you make going forward are your own to make.

So what now?

There is the temptation after a diagnosis to want to fix everything… right now. That’s a very normal ADHD reaction. You see a problem, you want an instant solution. But it’s important not to try to fix everything right now. In fact, there is nothing to be fixed, so that’s an impossible task in itself.

You can start by noticing. Now your brain has something to latch onto. It can begin noticing and processing. In my experience, the ADHD brain can be very good at spotting patterns and joining the dots.

• What drains your energy?
• What helps you?
• What keeps happening?
• What have you been blaming yourself for?
• What support might make your life easier?

Writing thoughts down can often help. Committing an idea or thought to the real world and outside your brain in itself can help you remember it. You also have something to refer to later.

There is a saying, “name it to tame it” and naming things is definitely one of the keys to working with ADHD and is the first step in understanding and effecting change. Name the thing that’s happening, the thought and the idea.

Don’t focus on the thing that people see. Instead, focus on the internal. Don’t just capture “I didn’t send the email”. Focus on what is actually happening inside.

Moving forwards

I said “nothing is broken” and then talk about change. This sounds like a contradiction, but it isn’t. “Fixing ADHD” in the literal sense would mean something that permanently removes ADHD or its effects. ADHD medication does not work like that and there isn’t a magical implant. Managing ADHD is more about acceptance, strategies and making changes to the way you think and the decisions you make.

The good news is that ADHD brains can be very good at this type of work, if you let them, which is rather ironic.

• Pattern spotting
• Joining the dots
• Spotting links between things
• Open-minded, “blue-sky” thinking
• Challenging norms

All these are traits that can be ideal for spotting what’s going on and developing strategies to change things. The fly in the ointment is actually enacting change, reliably and consistently. That’s the real challenge.

Take a problem like:

“I was late for my interview”

Replay the event, and the things that led up to it.

• What happened externally, what did people see?
• How did it feel internally, what thoughts did you have, especially in the run-up?
• Name the thing
• How can you recognise it if it happens again?
• What can you do to reliably change the outcome?

That’s how to create lasting change. “Set a reminder” is sometimes good advice, but alone it is unlikely to stick. The secret is going through this process to really understand what is happening. The reminder may be the answer, but it needs to be your answer and part of your strategy. Owning this is important, as ADHD brains hate being told they need to use a timer.

Practical things to look at next

I am sure you came here to get a list of quick fixes and answers, and all you have is a reflective piece. For completeness, here are some practical things to consider and do.

Work and telling your employer

Consider telling your employer about the diagnosis. You do not have to tell your employer. That is your choice. Think carefully about this, as it is a double-edged sword. Disclosing ADHD can lead to discussions about reasonable adjustments and support. But despite legal protections, it can also lead to discrimination, missing out on promotion opportunities and new projects, even being “managed out”. Another negative impact is people can become over-sympathetic and treat you with kid gloves.

Access to Work

Consider Access to Work funding from the UK government. This can help with extra support at work, but it does not replace your employer’s legal duty to make reasonable adjustments. It may help reduce disadvantage at work and support you to do your job.

I have also written a plain English Access to Work guide if you want the process explained with ADHD in mind.

Medication and titration

You may be prescribed medication. This can be stimulant or non-stimulant. Medication can help many people but not everyone. My experience is that it quietens my internal narrator and the chaos to help me think clearly, other people describe it differently or report no benefit at all.

As part of the process, you will go through a titration and monitoring phase. This is essential to work out the correct medication and determine the dosage. It is important to stick with the plan and to report your experience accurately and honestly. It is useful to keep notes of your observations. You can also read the NICE ADHD guidance if you want the clinical detail.

Ask for a copy of your diagnostic report.

Medication costs and shared care

If you have a private diagnosis, your GP may refuse to enter a shared care agreement with the private provider. This may mean that you have to pay for medication and prescriptions. The cost of this is not trivial and can amount to hundreds of pounds a month. If this is the case, talk to your GP.

If you are in England, ask about Right to Choose, as they may have providers they will work with. In some cases, you may need an NHS reassessment or a new referral. The aim is to find a route where your medication can be prescribed safely through NHS care, but your GP does not have to accept shared care.

Additional support

Support groups can be helpful because they give you that “it isn’t just me” feeling. They are not always perfect. Some are brilliant, some are less so, and they are often very informal and run by a group of volunteers. But the right group can give you language, ideas, and a sense that other people are dealing with the same oddly specific things you thought were only you. They are a great opportunity to share experiences and learn.

Therapy can also be useful, especially if the diagnosis has stirred up old trauma. An ADHD diagnosis can make you revisit school, work, relationships, shame, anxiety, and the long list of things you blamed yourself for. Therapy is not about fixing ADHD. It can help you process what the diagnosis means, deal with anxiety or low mood, and make sense of things that may have been sitting there for years.

Coaching: much of what I talk about here is actually the foundations of coaching. Coaching is not therapy, and it is not someone giving you a magic list of instructions. It is more practical and forward-looking. Rather than working through things yourself, coaching is a process that helps you understand what is happening, where things are breaking down, what keeps repeating, and what might actually help.

A good coach should help you find strategies that make sense for your brain, rather than handing you a tidy little system that looks lovely on paper and dies by Wednesday lunchtime. The point is not to become a different person. It is to understand yourself better and build ways of working with your brain, instead of constantly fighting it.

If you want more practical tools and starting points, I have a page of free ADHD and neurodivergent resources as well.

You do not have to understand it all today

Diagnosis is a big thing.

It can make you want to pull your whole life apart and start labelling everything.

Why did I do that?

Why did nobody notice?

What do I fix first?

But you do not have to understand your whole life story today.

You do not have to fix yourself today either.

Nothing about you has suddenly become more broken because someone gave it a name. You have new information. That is all. Useful information, maybe life-changing information, but still information. It takes time to process.

The first step may be simple.

• Notice what is happening
• Reflect
• Learn
• Ask for help
• Let the first wave pass before trying to solve everything at once

There are practical things you can do, and support does exist. Work, medication, Access to Work, therapy, coaching, support groups. Those things are important, but they do not all need to be sorted in one afternoon.

You are not broken. A lot of the difficulty comes from living in a world that is badly matched to how your brain works.

And you are not alone. Not by a long stretch.

Other people are going through the same thing, asking the same strange questions, noticing the same patterns, and trying to make sense of themselves too.

A diagnosis can be the start of understanding who you are, why life has felt the way it has, and what might need to change so life becomes a little easier to deal with.